How are you feeling today ?

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Thanks Internet

It's been sometime. I have tried to find other ways of dealing with my obstacles. All which have lead in me in a huge, stressful, circle. No new plans, no useful help and a new diagnosis. Visceral hypersensitivity . ( ). And of course the only medications they want to use will either interfere with my antidepressants or drop my BP . My norm is about 96/57 . I don't think I need to lower it anymore. I have had more horrible experiences with doctors and more bad days these last couple weeks. It's really just seeming hopeless.  

I have spent the few years of my early 20's so far in and out of the drs, and emergency rooms. Driving all over for different testing and slowly watching my "fun" years pass by. I have good days, sure. But instead of rolling out of bed and heading out with friends, to school or to work. I am dragging myself to the bathroom every single morning with a stomach ache and nausea,after a prescription induced slumber . I can't go 12 hours without needing to take some sort of medicine. My damn purse looks and SOUNDS like a pharmacy. It's a little embarrassing when I go to pay for something at the store or have to find something in my purse and have to move around the multiple prescription bottles. I have tried the little pill cases but some of them look the same and it can lead to more harm than good sometimes. 

I will say that I am enjoying some part of my life. I have found some good people to be around and am slowly re-establishing stronger ties to my family. I am trying to make myself reach out and talk more. Even if I think I am annoying them. I try and keep it short and simple. I usually will get a response back, but most of the time people are having to run their own lives to worry about being my short lived entertainment.  After hearing for what seems like the millionth time of hearing " I don't know how to hep you" , I am throwing myself out into the job search again. I have to get out of the house and start contributing to the money flow around here. I hate not being able to be completely independent. On the other hand I am completely grateful to have someone who is able to take care of 2 people instead of just 1 at the moment. I have started college finally. It's only online for now, but hey it's more than what I was doing a year ago. 

Not only have this illness and it's companions detoured my life, they cause the ones I love to go through this pain and terrible time with me. Having to deal with all the unsure guesses by doctors, hopeful yet useless medication trials and tests that take hours of waiting in a room alone. It puts great stress on someone you live with. I feel the my loved one deals with this illness right along side me. They try their best to understand and are there with an emesis bag and water at the sound of gagging. 

It's a huge help to have someone like that around. Especially on those bad days. I have seen and spoken to people who have less supportive other halves and not only does it put more stress on the sick person, which usually causes a flare, but it just drives a wedge between the two people because it is such a hard topic to tackle. 

For now writing this stuff out seems to be the best alternative to ..... well anything really. Thanks internet for listening.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

To New Beginnings

With Change comes new things . New look for the page as well as a  new outlook for ours truly.

During my long gap in writing much as happened . Unfortunately not all of it being good news, but everything seems to always have a funny way of working out in the end , Usually for the better.

After many long nights and conversations, my marriage has come to an end . I being the main decider on this choice, am still very happy with the choice I made and feel still that it was the right thing to do for me . It is hard to hurt a loved one in such way, but in life who are you living for . Others and their happiness or yourself and your happiness ? At the end of the day I felt that as being as young as I am ( also celebrated my 22nd birthday in the past couple months ) why stay in a marriage that I wasn't happy in and that wasn't going anywhere.

As with divorce can come change of scenery as well .  I have moved back down closer to where I was raised and near family . Honestly, i think that i really needed that change . I needed all of them . The environment that I was living in was not the healthiest and the not the most positive to be around .

It's amazing to me also how much better that I am feeling with just having some of that stress and negativity away and off my shoulders . It really does take a toll on your body. Granted I still have my bad days and flares ups her and their but as long as I manage my food intake WELL then I can usually get by . Which is an amazing feat for me just in itself . Considering a few months ago I was pretty much just stuck in bed everyday and now I actually leave the house maybe 2-3 a week now . And it feels great .

I know it seems like a bunch of little things, but between divorce, moving and making myself happier, I feel the best I have since I was diagnosed .

I hope to be updating you all a lot more and maybe get this page going in a little bit different direction .

Any topics you want covered? Comment below and I will do my best to get it for you .